Loving Him..

Hey guys i know its been a while since you heard from little ol' cherry. And honestly i haven't been reading blogs i do have to ketchup, lol. Only people i have been in contact with are those who are my farmville friends on facebook :(. I think about yall all the time and sometimes i want to blog but homework is more important. I miss yall. Okay so i always have guy problems right. Well school is good but with him it seems to be getting harder because he is stressing me out. New Guy!

Al "Budda" (as in the god)
Okay so my new boyfriend is Albert, he's something im not used to. Budda is into the streets but he used to go to college until he was shot. He played basketball and could of went pro but like alot of young black men something went wrong. He is the same age as me (21) and has both his parents. He's equipped with a bad attitude. Like my father he is a scorpio. Thats one thing i like about him he reminds me of my dad but when we argue its like heaven and hell clashing.

All around he is a good guy but somethings i dont like about him and i learned when i was young you cant change a man. He is someone i want to be with but he makes it difficult for himself. He has trust issues and he's always getting angry over little things. That irks me because i am a silly person who makes fun of anything.

He's over protective and sometimes verbally abusive, i know im telling myself to let him go but its so much good to him besides that he's just stuck in a state of depression. Im making excuses right? it got easier as i got older to let a guy go but its something about him, im stuck honestly.

Loving him is hard...

Notebook

Privacy
There is none in this place sometimes i feel like im in a crazy home or something. Numerous people with skeleton keys able to go in your room if your not there. And lets not forget roommates i hate coming back to find my stuff missing. I think she taking my socks?!? WTF?!! okay your mother works mine doesnt i work myself but that doesnt mean i shop for you and me. I have no problem sharing but socks come on buy a pack from the dollar store or something. I lend people my laptop and that starts a chain of it dissapearing and i have to find what room its in..niggas run stuff in a hole..im sorry im black so i know.

I had a good day today despite every thing i keep to myself now. My friends always ask why i dont be in the halls with em..for what this aint highschool and yall not doing anything but causing trouble. Im old leave me be.

I have a 5 page research paper that i havent started and dont know where to start she's gonna be an unhappy teacher and my grade is going to take a hit lol but im still happy cuz i got all of her other work done so it counts for something right?
Thanksgiving break is coming up im so happy to get away from here. I miss my psp and everything i have been seeing great tags and im upset cuz i want to make one! My tag journal and group is so inactive lol
Well im waiting for some of my shows to come on and listen to my ipod talk to yall later.

Harcum Sucks

Im still here, busy in college didn't know days were so short until i got here. Truthfully im ready to leave.

Cheerleading

I had joined the cheerleading squad for a brief time and i recently quit for numerous reasons

1. tired of the girls

2. tired of the advisor

3. grades slipping

4. they expected us to look like nuns.

The advisor had a nasty attitude and constantly stated that since the cheerleading squad was a pilot program she had no problem quitting if we kept screwing up because her name was on the line and etc. I just didnt like her. She kept my money that i had gave and took the sneakers and pants back which i think was unfair and at a time would not return so she threatened to put it on my school bill, i just let it go even though i dont have money to throw away but karma goes around and comes around so we will see how far the pilot program goes.

Friends

I remember lyrics from an old song

"Friends How many of us have them? Ones we can depend on...."

I know i have none. These girls i have known since the summer program and we started out as a small group of four that was fine but now its more of us and more females mean more drama.
I have been pushing away from them and staying in my room and they have noticed but i don't care. If i feel like you can't be trusted then its curtains for you. So my friends are the girls from the cheerleading squad some of them got mad that i quit but im done with them thats it i cant take no more. I came from having one friend and no drama because it was nobody else she would talk to to even talk bad about me but here my friends always got something negative to say and you better believe if you leave the room your next to be talked about. One of my friends, Tasha is a girl that the rest of them compete to be her right hand man, for what? Kids is what they are and im the oldest 21 to a group of 18 and 19 year olds. Well tasha thinks she runs things and with them she does but not me i stay in my room. Anyway she started this drama between me and my new friend and now that i think about it she probably was being smart.

New Friend

I found that i get along better with boys. This boy is italian and his name is Mike. He was helping me with my english work because he is in my class and plus he was cool. He has a car so we would just ride around and sometimes just for him to go home and get things but as long as i was away from them i was happy. Tasha told me this morning that a guy i was messing with up here (Dre) told her that mike told him that he had sex with me. I was hurt because i believed mike was my friend and i didn't think he would start a lie like that i was never in his room long enough for his fat ass to have sex with me. So i called him and cursed him out and threatened to bust out his car windows, i guess he got scared and got dre and brought him down to my room. Come to find out dre never told tasha any of this..That lil bitch made it up. So mike left my room i really dont know what terms we are on now. But dre did tell me that Mike told percy (a guy i used to mess with in the summer) that he had sex with me. Now mike has a history of lying he lied about having sex with this girl and they were just friends so what do you think? I think he said it and he was trying to get cool points and i think he lied to dre because he know me and dre has history. Whatever the case tasha is a weirdo and i dont have time for her lies and drama she started. My other Friend jazz told me something "keep her out your business". True. I was only made because im no whore i messed with two people and thats it no more from this school they are all dissappointments lmao.

Dre

After Percy here at this school i said i was finished but then i met him. Like percy he plays basketball for the team but they dont really deal with each other as he claim but i know men talk. I like Dre alot (Note i still like him) but i realized he wanted to be free. At first when we met he said possibly a girlfriend but then he switched it around and said he dont want a girlfriend here because he may not stay the whole two years and to be honest he knows what he is going to do but he made it an excuse. I stopped sleeping in his room with him and trust and believe i took care of him because i like him, i think he is worried about what everyone else might think or say and if thats the case i dont have time for him i will move on.

Byren The Ex

He calls and we talk on the phone alot slowly but surely i am starting to miss him. The way he treated me and took care of me dispite the problem we had with the cancer and hpv scare. I just want that old that back the sense of comfort and love and true friendship. I miss his friends i talked to one of his friends steve on the phone and i miss my brother...I don't know should i give him another chance?

School

Its kicking my ass like crazy. I am stressing not only because of the people but because of the work i just feel overwhelmed some days i just want to pack my things and leave...some days i just want to run away

Im back on the Set

Its been a long time since i have written. I need to get back into writing it might help me with my essays more-WAIT i can't just jump right in like i have been here so whats new?

Last i left off i believe i had a boyfriend? Not anymore byren broke up with me.
I went to the doctors one day only to find i had a severe pap smear so they thought i had cervical cancer. One thing about doctors is they always try to make things worse than what it actually is. So when i went back to get this procedure done where they look and see whats going on in there they were hurting me byren was with me. He made it seem like the hpv virus was aids. They explained to him that it goes away but first let me state that they didnt even find hpv they were just looking and unsure. I reached for byren when she started hurting me and he wouldnt hold my hand..i was so crushed. Not only did i possibly have cervical cancer but the guy i loved turned his back on me. FUCK HIM! So the results was back and they saw no hpv but they still wanted me to get this procedure where they burn a layer of your uterus off to start with a fresh uterus. By then me and byren werent together but he was texting me and the full effects of not having cancer set in and the reality of how he treated me really messed me up, guess what he is doing now? Saying how wrong and selfish he was and how sorry he is yea yea yea i took it as though he wasnt a man if he couldnt hold me down i dont want to get back with him and i wont.

I finished summer school despite all that stress on top of it and i got an award. And guess what i got in all my three classes? A'S i didn't think i could do it and i was surprised.

Im not really concerned about guys right now i talk to alot of em right now its just to use them the pressures of being a broke college student is hard lol.

School is going good so far but i wanted to let you know im still alive and i will try and keep you posted. your sassy Cherry!

What Is It With Relationships?

Cupid Shot me again, thats the plus but there is always a minus.

I have been with my boyfriend going on three months and yes i love him. He's funny and much more.

Why do i feel like the girl destined to be single her whole life and will always be in and out of relationships. My cousin moe doesn't date anymore she can't find anybody worth while and im starting to become like her.

Minus

My boyfriends mom, just like my ex Reece his mother is an asshole. I don't care to much for his mom. Byren is twenty will be twenty one on october 4th. She treats him like he is four. I remember the first time i met her she was talking about "I don't like other females up my step if your watching tv thats fine other then that byren aint having no kids" WTF? I told her just like this i have a job, starting school i dont have time nor patience for that anyway. I wanted to tell her he is a grown man and he wants sex he can get it whenever and however (You kno my smart ass mouth lol) His mom drinks all the time and is always drunk i dont like people like that. Now we cant chill in his room at all why cuz he had the door shut wow big deal. I have to stay down in the cluttered ass room they call a living room or sit outside on the step. She called byren one time he was over my house for him to come home and take out the trash, that pissed me off its 11 at night he was spending the night, she has a boyfriend who is a fellow alcoholic like her and has another son. He didnt go if he did i wouldnt have said anything to him.

Minus

Im so confused by him. He works alot and if and when he has a day or two off you'd think he want to see me. He told me he doesnt want to spend his days off with me all the time. One week he had two days off i asked to see him i got one day when i asked if he wanted me to come see him he said no he didnt want to spend everyday or hour he got off with me. IF your not doing anything but loungin around why can't i hang out we can watch tv and take naps together i have no problem with that but he does, it doesnt sit right with me. Say if he does have a day off and we make plans for it he changes it. He will call me and be like oh well im going out wit hamp cuz they want me to do this wit em or etc and how can you change plans after u make em and you barely see me. I feel like he doesnt care if he sees me at all. And its only been three months!

Plus

He takes me out whenever I ask, or if i dont ask.

He's Funny

He's Smart

He has a good job and he loves his family

I can go on forever.

there is so much plus about him thats why i love him but i tend to hang on to the negative things about people. I love him, he says he loves me but you kno men they can wake up one morning and say they dont love you no more. After this relationship im really done im tired of being hurt and walked over.

Its Been A Long Time

Stranger-
Its been since march i have posted. Spent my time lurking around journals but not really having the time to post in my own. It seems like time is just wasting away. I have some days that seem long and some days i just can't fit enough stuff into it. Since i have started this whole college band wagon it has been so much to do so many envolopes coming to my house for me to send right back and running around for this and that. So i have been a stranger here, Sorry.

College
Already stressful and i haven't even started. I will be starting a summer advance program and i get to stay on campus from july to august which is cool. I get seven credits plus the classes i'll take in the summer are cheaper then what they would be in the fall. Only dillema is coming up with eight hundred dollars myself. I have a two hundred and twenty five already, my boyfriend said he would help me im waiting for his fifty bucks whenever i see him. I don't really want it to seem like im pressuring him for the money because if he wants to give it to me he will and he is a good guy so hopefully he helps. My father said to let him know what i need.

I been worried because i want to work while i go to school but im afraid it might be to much for me and i kno that im not that great at math so i need to spend more time and energy on that instead of rude ass customers.

Work
Its cool i mean it doesnt bother me, because i know someday i will rise and be more than a sales associate and have a way better job then being a manager at a retail store. Im so over this job tho, the drama and everything that comes with it. When i get to work i start this little fantasy world in my head and before i kno it its over. I bite my tongue, and clench my fist from doing what im thinking and saying what i feel. The hours is crappy the pay is crappy but i guess i should be thankful i have a job, indeed.

21
Im really legal, you thought i acted a fool when i was 18?! ha you ain't seen nothing yet, sike im calm, i thought that when i turned 21 i would be doing this and that. Im not hyped about it at all though what ever happens happens and i will be legal enough to enjoy it until then im not rushing to do anything. It doesnt peak my curiousity yet. I had a get together at my house the weekend after my bday (april 22nd was my bday). OMG i had fun but i believe my BFF had more fun with my damn camera and at my party then i did she has so many pics of herself and her family which i deleted most because after all it was my day. I have some cute photos with my boyfriend that i love and pictures with my mother. I was so on i had everything to drink that was there. E&J, Bacardi, Hurricane, Pina Colada's, Grey Goose got me loose i was dancing and having a good time. We had more liquor than food lol.

Boyfriend
He had a good time at my party as well. He is a year younger than me. Thats my baby he is sweet, honest like me, funny, his personality just it does something to me. He is so silly and not about being sad or down or fighting..unless u piss him off. He cursed my cousin out at the party which she deserved and she wont be coming back to my party again right along with another cousin, cuz they was just picking with him. My mom cracked up laughin when he told her "you keep talking you gonna be pullin size 14 bone fragments out ya ass!" My mom likes him she calls him legs cuz he is tall. He is 6'3 and wear a size 14 shoe OMG. He works doesnt ask for much does whatever i want and ask of him.

Well got a doc app in the morning later!

This Can't Be Life...

Work..

I Got 19 hours next week..imagine my emotion only to turn around and see the boss's daughter has 30 hours..kiss ass and favoritism right? I hate that there are no jobs out due to recession im searching believe i am looking.

Siblings.

My lil brother had a seizure last sunday.he is 15. This is his second seizure. I called out of work only to find out it was caused by his stupidity, he stopped taking his pills! Teenagers i tell you (Like i didnt used to be one) I took pictures of him in his neck brace lol he was so mad said it wasnt cool. The whole time he was yelling "WHERES MY PHONE" "MAN I HAD A CHICK COMIN OVER WHILE MY MOM WAS GOING TO THE LIBRARY IM FINE CAN I GO HOME???" LOL. I told him since he was fine he owes me money for calling out. Later when we left he put the neck brace on his head and said he was muslim...clown. He said his legs felt like jello but he was good to go home. He is takin his meds again.

My lil sister Surah who is 2 and 2 grown! She has a car now i think a jeep. So she was driving and crashed in a bush she wasnt listening to my dad who was telling her to turn she turned around and gave a shut up look...then what happen she crashed. She then gets out pulls the jeep out and lifts the hood to check the damage..does something and claims "its fixed" my dad told her shut up it wasnt never broke lol they get on my nerves...she told him he was a pain in the ass one day..i was no good her told her, her third birthday gift was a beatin so she walks around saying "when i turn three daddy gonna beat my behind" lol

School

The more i work the more i want to go to school. Im waiting on the counselor to contact me she should contact me around april.

Bills

Seems every month im taking over new bills and having less money to spend for myself im not enjoying this getting old part..i wanna be young again.