Bitterly Sweet

Loving Him..

2010-03-11T16:15:00.002-05:00

Hey guys i know its been a while since you heard from little ol' cherry. And honestly i haven't been reading blogs i do have to ketchup, lol. Only people i have been in contact with are those who are my farmville friends on facebook :(. I think about yall all the time and sometimes i want to blog but homework is more important. I miss yall. Okay so i always have guy problems right. Well school is good but with him it seems to be getting harder because he is stressing me out. New Guy!

Al "Budda" (as in the god)
Okay so my new boyfriend is Albert, he's something im not used to. Budda is into the streets but he used to go to college until he was shot. He played basketball and could of went pro but like alot of young black men something went wrong. He is the same age as me (21) and has both his parents. He's equipped with a bad attitude. Like my father he is a scorpio. Thats one thing i like about him he reminds me of my dad but when we argue its like heaven and hell clashing.

All around he is a good guy but somethings i dont like about him and i learned when i was young you cant change a man. He is someone i want to be with but he makes it difficult for himself. He has trust issues and he's always getting angry over little things. That irks me because i am a silly person who makes fun of anything.

He's over protective and sometimes verbally abusive, i know im telling myself to let him go but its so much good to him besides that he's just stuck in a state of depression. Im making excuses right? it got easier as i got older to let a guy go but its something about him, im stuck honestly.

Loving him is hard...

Notebook

2009-11-19T18:51:00.002-05:00

Privacy
There is none in this place sometimes i feel like im in a crazy home or something. Numerous people with skeleton keys able to go in your room if your not there. And lets not forget roommates i hate coming back to find my stuff missing. I think she taking my socks?!? WTF?!! okay your mother works mine doesnt i work myself but that doesnt mean i shop for you and me. I have no problem sharing but socks come on buy a pack from the dollar store or something. I lend people my laptop and that starts a chain of it dissapearing and i have to find what room its in..niggas run stuff in a hole..im sorry im black so i know.

I had a good day today despite every thing i keep to myself now. My friends always ask why i dont be in the halls with em..for what this aint highschool and yall not doing anything but causing trouble. Im old leave me be.

I have a 5 page research paper that i havent started and dont know where to start she's gonna be an unhappy teacher and my grade is going to take a hit lol but im still happy cuz i got all of her other work done so it counts for something right?
Thanksgiving break is coming up im so happy to get away from here. I miss my psp and everything i have been seeing great tags and im upset cuz i want to make one! My tag journal and group is so inactive lol
Well im waiting for some of my shows to come on and listen to my ipod talk to yall later.

Harcum Sucks

2009-11-04T18:55:00.003-05:00

Im still here, busy in college didn't know days were so short until i got here. Truthfully im ready to leave.

Cheerleading

I had joined the cheerleading squad for a brief time and i recently quit for numerous reasons

1. tired of the girls

2. tired of the advisor

3. grades slipping

4. they expected us to look like nuns.

The advisor had a nasty attitude and constantly stated that since the cheerleading squad was a pilot program she had no problem quitting if we kept screwing up because her name was on the line and etc. I just didnt like her. She kept my money that i had gave and took the sneakers and pants back which i think was unfair and at a time would not return so she threatened to put it on my school bill, i just let it go even though i dont have money to throw away but karma goes around and comes around so we will see how far the pilot program goes.

Friends

I remember lyrics from an old song

"Friends How many of us have them? Ones we can depend on...."

I know i have none. These girls i have known since the summer program and we started out as a small group of four that was fine but now its more of us and more females mean more drama.
I have been pushing away from them and staying in my room and they have noticed but i don't care. If i feel like you can't be trusted then its curtains for you. So my friends are the girls from the cheerleading squad some of them got mad that i quit but im done with them thats it i cant take no more. I came from having one friend and no drama because it was nobody else she would talk to to even talk bad about me but here my friends always got something negative to say and you better believe if you leave the room your next to be talked about. One of my friends, Tasha is a girl that the rest of them compete to be her right hand man, for what? Kids is what they are and im the oldest 21 to a group of 18 and 19 year olds. Well tasha thinks she runs things and with them she does but not me i stay in my room. Anyway she started this drama between me and my new friend and now that i think about it she probably was being smart.

New Friend

I found that i get along better with boys. This boy is italian and his name is Mike. He was helping me with my english work because he is in my class and plus he was cool. He has a car so we would just ride around and sometimes just for him to go home and get things but as long as i was away from them i was happy. Tasha told me this morning that a guy i was messing with up here (Dre) told her that mike told him that he had sex with me. I was hurt because i believed mike was my friend and i didn't think he would start a lie like that i was never in his room long enough for his fat ass to have sex with me. So i called him and cursed him out and threatened to bust out his car windows, i guess he got scared and got dre and brought him down to my room. Come to find out dre never told tasha any of this..That lil bitch made it up. So mike left my room i really dont know what terms we are on now. But dre did tell me that Mike told percy (a guy i used to mess with in the summer) that he had sex with me. Now mike has a history of lying he lied about having sex with this girl and they were just friends so what do you think? I think he said it and he was trying to get cool points and i think he lied to dre because he know me and dre has history. Whatever the case tasha is a weirdo and i dont have time for her lies and drama she started. My other Friend jazz told me something "keep her out your business". True. I was only made because im no whore i messed with two people and thats it no more from this school they are all dissappointments lmao.

Dre

After Percy here at this school i said i was finished but then i met him. Like percy he plays basketball for the team but they dont really deal with each other as he claim but i know men talk. I like Dre alot (Note i still like him) but i realized he wanted to be free. At first when we met he said possibly a girlfriend but then he switched it around and said he dont want a girlfriend here because he may not stay the whole two years and to be honest he knows what he is going to do but he made it an excuse. I stopped sleeping in his room with him and trust and believe i took care of him because i like him, i think he is worried about what everyone else might think or say and if thats the case i dont have time for him i will move on.

Byren The Ex

He calls and we talk on the phone alot slowly but surely i am starting to miss him. The way he treated me and took care of me dispite the problem we had with the cancer and hpv scare. I just want that old that back the sense of comfort and love and true friendship. I miss his friends i talked to one of his friends steve on the phone and i miss my brother...I don't know should i give him another chance?

School

Its kicking my ass like crazy. I am stressing not only because of the people but because of the work i just feel overwhelmed some days i just want to pack my things and leave...some days i just want to run away

Im back on the Set

2009-09-16T19:20:00.002-04:00

Its been a long time since i have written. I need to get back into writing it might help me with my essays more-WAIT i can't just jump right in like i have been here so whats new?

Last i left off i believe i had a boyfriend? Not anymore byren broke up with me.
I went to the doctors one day only to find i had a severe pap smear so they thought i had cervical cancer. One thing about doctors is they always try to make things worse than what it actually is. So when i went back to get this procedure done where they look and see whats going on in there they were hurting me byren was with me. He made it seem like the hpv virus was aids. They explained to him that it goes away but first let me state that they didnt even find hpv they were just looking and unsure. I reached for byren when she started hurting me and he wouldnt hold my hand..i was so crushed. Not only did i possibly have cervical cancer but the guy i loved turned his back on me. FUCK HIM! So the results was back and they saw no hpv but they still wanted me to get this procedure where they burn a layer of your uterus off to start with a fresh uterus. By then me and byren werent together but he was texting me and the full effects of not having cancer set in and the reality of how he treated me really messed me up, guess what he is doing now? Saying how wrong and selfish he was and how sorry he is yea yea yea i took it as though he wasnt a man if he couldnt hold me down i dont want to get back with him and i wont.

I finished summer school despite all that stress on top of it and i got an award. And guess what i got in all my three classes? A'S i didn't think i could do it and i was surprised.

Im not really concerned about guys right now i talk to alot of em right now its just to use them the pressures of being a broke college student is hard lol.

School is going good so far but i wanted to let you know im still alive and i will try and keep you posted. your sassy Cherry!

What Is It With Relationships?

2009-06-11T12:46:00.003-04:00

Cupid Shot me again, thats the plus but there is always a minus.

I have been with my boyfriend going on three months and yes i love him. He's funny and much more.

Why do i feel like the girl destined to be single her whole life and will always be in and out of relationships. My cousin moe doesn't date anymore she can't find anybody worth while and im starting to become like her.

Minus

My boyfriends mom, just like my ex Reece his mother is an asshole. I don't care to much for his mom. Byren is twenty will be twenty one on october 4th. She treats him like he is four. I remember the first time i met her she was talking about "I don't like other females up my step if your watching tv thats fine other then that byren aint having no kids" WTF? I told her just like this i have a job, starting school i dont have time nor patience for that anyway. I wanted to tell her he is a grown man and he wants sex he can get it whenever and however (You kno my smart ass mouth lol) His mom drinks all the time and is always drunk i dont like people like that. Now we cant chill in his room at all why cuz he had the door shut wow big deal. I have to stay down in the cluttered ass room they call a living room or sit outside on the step. She called byren one time he was over my house for him to come home and take out the trash, that pissed me off its 11 at night he was spending the night, she has a boyfriend who is a fellow alcoholic like her and has another son. He didnt go if he did i wouldnt have said anything to him.

Minus

Im so confused by him. He works alot and if and when he has a day or two off you'd think he want to see me. He told me he doesnt want to spend his days off with me all the time. One week he had two days off i asked to see him i got one day when i asked if he wanted me to come see him he said no he didnt want to spend everyday or hour he got off with me. IF your not doing anything but loungin around why can't i hang out we can watch tv and take naps together i have no problem with that but he does, it doesnt sit right with me. Say if he does have a day off and we make plans for it he changes it. He will call me and be like oh well im going out wit hamp cuz they want me to do this wit em or etc and how can you change plans after u make em and you barely see me. I feel like he doesnt care if he sees me at all. And its only been three months!

Plus

He takes me out whenever I ask, or if i dont ask.

He's Funny

He's Smart

He has a good job and he loves his family

I can go on forever.

there is so much plus about him thats why i love him but i tend to hang on to the negative things about people. I love him, he says he loves me but you kno men they can wake up one morning and say they dont love you no more. After this relationship im really done im tired of being hurt and walked over.

Its Been A Long Time

2009-05-19T00:14:00.002-04:00

Stranger-
Its been since march i have posted. Spent my time lurking around journals but not really having the time to post in my own. It seems like time is just wasting away. I have some days that seem long and some days i just can't fit enough stuff into it. Since i have started this whole college band wagon it has been so much to do so many envolopes coming to my house for me to send right back and running around for this and that. So i have been a stranger here, Sorry.

College
Already stressful and i haven't even started. I will be starting a summer advance program and i get to stay on campus from july to august which is cool. I get seven credits plus the classes i'll take in the summer are cheaper then what they would be in the fall. Only dillema is coming up with eight hundred dollars myself. I have a two hundred and twenty five already, my boyfriend said he would help me im waiting for his fifty bucks whenever i see him. I don't really want it to seem like im pressuring him for the money because if he wants to give it to me he will and he is a good guy so hopefully he helps. My father said to let him know what i need.

I been worried because i want to work while i go to school but im afraid it might be to much for me and i kno that im not that great at math so i need to spend more time and energy on that instead of rude ass customers.

Work
Its cool i mean it doesnt bother me, because i know someday i will rise and be more than a sales associate and have a way better job then being a manager at a retail store. Im so over this job tho, the drama and everything that comes with it. When i get to work i start this little fantasy world in my head and before i kno it its over. I bite my tongue, and clench my fist from doing what im thinking and saying what i feel. The hours is crappy the pay is crappy but i guess i should be thankful i have a job, indeed.

21
Im really legal, you thought i acted a fool when i was 18?! ha you ain't seen nothing yet, sike im calm, i thought that when i turned 21 i would be doing this and that. Im not hyped about it at all though what ever happens happens and i will be legal enough to enjoy it until then im not rushing to do anything. It doesnt peak my curiousity yet. I had a get together at my house the weekend after my bday (april 22nd was my bday). OMG i had fun but i believe my BFF had more fun with my damn camera and at my party then i did she has so many pics of herself and her family which i deleted most because after all it was my day. I have some cute photos with my boyfriend that i love and pictures with my mother. I was so on i had everything to drink that was there. E&J, Bacardi, Hurricane, Pina Colada's, Grey Goose got me loose i was dancing and having a good time. We had more liquor than food lol.

Boyfriend
He had a good time at my party as well. He is a year younger than me. Thats my baby he is sweet, honest like me, funny, his personality just it does something to me. He is so silly and not about being sad or down or fighting..unless u piss him off. He cursed my cousin out at the party which she deserved and she wont be coming back to my party again right along with another cousin, cuz they was just picking with him. My mom cracked up laughin when he told her "you keep talking you gonna be pullin size 14 bone fragments out ya ass!" My mom likes him she calls him legs cuz he is tall. He is 6'3 and wear a size 14 shoe OMG. He works doesnt ask for much does whatever i want and ask of him.

Well got a doc app in the morning later!

This Can't Be Life...

2009-03-26T21:51:00.002-04:00

Work..

I Got 19 hours next week..imagine my emotion only to turn around and see the boss's daughter has 30 hours..kiss ass and favoritism right? I hate that there are no jobs out due to recession im searching believe i am looking.

Siblings.

My lil brother had a seizure last sunday.he is 15. This is his second seizure. I called out of work only to find out it was caused by his stupidity, he stopped taking his pills! Teenagers i tell you (Like i didnt used to be one) I took pictures of him in his neck brace lol he was so mad said it wasnt cool. The whole time he was yelling "WHERES MY PHONE" "MAN I HAD A CHICK COMIN OVER WHILE MY MOM WAS GOING TO THE LIBRARY IM FINE CAN I GO HOME???" LOL. I told him since he was fine he owes me money for calling out. Later when we left he put the neck brace on his head and said he was muslim...clown. He said his legs felt like jello but he was good to go home. He is takin his meds again.

My lil sister Surah who is 2 and 2 grown! She has a car now i think a jeep. So she was driving and crashed in a bush she wasnt listening to my dad who was telling her to turn she turned around and gave a shut up look...then what happen she crashed. She then gets out pulls the jeep out and lifts the hood to check the damage..does something and claims "its fixed" my dad told her shut up it wasnt never broke lol they get on my nerves...she told him he was a pain in the ass one day..i was no good her told her, her third birthday gift was a beatin so she walks around saying "when i turn three daddy gonna beat my behind" lol

School

The more i work the more i want to go to school. Im waiting on the counselor to contact me she should contact me around april.

Bills

Seems every month im taking over new bills and having less money to spend for myself im not enjoying this getting old part..i wanna be young again.

Let it snow, let it snow... o wait its march..

2009-03-02T11:10:00.002-05:00

ACCUPLACER Test

So i took my test the friday that past and guess what it wasn't bad. I was expecting a paper test but it was on the computer so it was just point and click something i am used to. I breezed past the math cuz i don't know it lmao. So what i did know i clicked what i didnt i guessed. Then come to find out at the end of the english test i had to write an essay - oh and why would they give me a topic i highly dont care about.

Topic- If you could meet someone famous who could it be? I started to put "No one, end essay." LMAO! Stars don't interest me so i was pissed sitting there trying to lie my way on the essay because i wasnt into it it wasnt much of an essay plus i had shopping on my mind so it was short. They puttin me in three extra classes i don't care because i know i need those classes. A math class and two english classes shocking because im great in english but i think it was that damn essay that screwed me.

Its Cold Outside

Just when i though spring was coming on all those nice days that were in the 50's and then the 20's come back with alot of damn snow. I couldn't even get a white christmas! The snow is late and aggravating and need to go away. I called out because of it i wasnt going out there in that mess i don't love the job that much..I called couldnt think fast so my reason- migraine headache..o well next time it will be more convincing lol.

Snow Day

Im just reading journals and trying to catch up on all of my friends sorry i haven't been around call myself studying for that placement test..HA!

Well yall have a good day.

Guide To Shopping By A Cashier

2009-02-20T21:09:00.002-05:00

So Much Has Happened, Will Update as soon as possible just needed to post this.

We are Woman and we love to do what? SHOP. Now If Your Going to shop there are rules to shopping. You ever get that cashier that you think is highly rude for no reason? Guess why its because of your ass. See I get reported because of the jerks that come to my register i do my job im not your babysitter, your homie, your hookup, or your mat. I hate cashiering...There are alot of ignorant or rude stuff customer does and they claim the customer is always right no thats not true. Here are a couple of my pet peeves and from the sound of it a bunch of other cashiers. You may not pay attention to some of the stuff you do but here are a few pointers for your next shopping trip..

1. We've all learned to greet when we were kids so lets try doing it. When a cashier greet you don't look at them like they just said your mother married beethoven.

2. Don't come to the checkout area on Your CELL PHONE and expect us to talk to you while your talkin to someone else, you want to know the total? Get of the got damn phone.

3. Don't bring your Basket, cart, or bag to the Front and expect us to pull every item you picked up out! So We are supposed to pull it out, scan it, fold it or wrap it, bag it, u want a massage with that as well? take that crap out its the least you can do.

4. DO NOT wait until your clothes is bagged to say "I DONT WANT THE HANGERS" IF you didnt want them you could of took them off while you were waiting behind the customer that was being takin care of before you. OR you could of said it before so they could of been removed.

5. There's trash cans around the store or in the bathrooms dont bring me your lunch to throw away.

6. Your Children Aren't Scannable Dont sit them on the damn counter unless you want your child bagged.

7. This is just rude! Dont lay your money on the counter, especially while my hand is out to take it. How would you feel trying to pick up a bunch of coins or dollars off of a flat surface?

8. MEN. Dont flirt to get a discount.

9. MEN. Dont bring a big ass vacuum cleaner or something larger and expect me to lift it..can't help you with that one.

10. Read The sale sign ACCURATELY before you come up to the cash register and curse someone out who does not make prices or the paper it goes on!

Alright lets go shopping ladies!!!!!!!!

Preparing For Life

2009-01-23T10:25:00.003-05:00

Its Alot of things going on in my life. Some positive others negative.

I've been preparing for life, a real life. School= Career= Money = MY OWN. I don't know when i start school sometimes i have doubts about going. Is this for me? No school has never been anything i liked or love yes i was good at some subjects but still i didn't want to go i mean who really did. But college is different, if you want a better life sometimes you have to force your way through things and thats what im doing. Im trying to get by. Im trying to become what i want to be by doing something i hate to do lol.

I have to fill out FAFSA, I have run into a few road blocks but im still trying. Right now im waiting on my W-2 Form so i can enter my finance info. Im trying to get scholarships and grants but do they offer any to people who have been out of school for long? Most stuff i seen if for fresh out of high school. Maybe i should talk to my social Worker and see if he or the nurses and docs at my hospital can help me find some grants and stuff for my disabilities. All this stuff i feel will work out on its own i mean i barely have funds to pay so im trying to hurry and fill out the FAFSA the faster i do the greater chance of getting more money.

There is something that has been bothering me. You ever feel so stupid that you want to quit doing something positive? You just start thinking negative and feeling negative. Well i been feeling like crap. I haven't done math since 2006 and i have to take an ACCUPLACER Test. Its just a college skill assessment to see where i am mathmatically and english wise. English im great in, math.. no. The last date for Testing is February 27th. I Decided to go get a book to brush up on my math skills so i brought one from borders and it was helping me okay until i got to the part i hate.. Variables. Im stuck and its on the second chapter. I don't know what to do. I just dont understand it anymore its been so long i cant understand how they are getting what and everything. So im just like fuck it. Thats how i feel.

I haven't been up to the school yet for a tour or contacted the school for anything else once i was accepted i just ran with it. I have been trying to get my permit.

Another road block. I can't get it because somehow my mother lost my birth certificate and we just had it not to long ago i swear she is losing her mind. So now i have to go PAY to get another damn birth certificate that may take to long to recieve. Im trying to get my liscense before my state id expires and thats in july. But i don't know how long it will take to get a birth certificate they claim two weeks my friend is still waiting on her daughters and that was a month ago. Then i have to give the school 100 dollars for a spot in the class period i mean damn am i made from money?

I've just been secretly stressing. Keeping it all to myself.

Another thing, I hate my job..point blank.
You want this tag you can request it in my tag journal.

http://taintedcherriesdzine.blogspot.com/

College Bound

2009-01-12T20:46:00.001-05:00

I GOT ACCEPTED TO HARCUM COLLEGE OMG!! RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FILL OUT FAFSA AND ALL THIS CRAP UPDATE ANOTHER TIME.

New Year For Progress

2009-01-02T17:18:00.003-05:00

Work
Still working at kohl's, slowing but shortly i will be leaving there. I have to its not good for my blood pressure lmao. I mean i love work good thing is im off tomorow and that is shocking. I guess they figure if the give me my weekends i wont get reported as much lol. Got paid time and a half yesterday so im very excited to see this future crummy check im just waiting on Tax time :)

School
Still havent heard from them im going to contact them Monday and see whats up. If they didn't accept me i want my forty dollars back LOL.

Resolution
My new years resolution is turning out so far so great. Im trying to eat healthier im 20 years old with a gut, it has to go. I have a pilates set i brought that came with the ball and pump and everything i will be starting that soon i get some work out gear and then i might join a gym. Im eating healthy cereal instead of the sweet cereal. Im eating Raisin Brand, Mini Wheats, ETC. I've been eating apples when we go food shopping i will make sure to get some yogurt,and different fruits.

Mother
My mother is falling apart. She can't walk now somehow some way she pulled a muscle in her groin they think it may be a torn vein in her leg or something like that so she has to go back and get an ultrasound. I called out today to make sure she was fine i was supposed to work but my mothers more important then them jerks.

Me.
Im fine i can complained but i did enough just now. Happy New Year!

Once upon a Poor Winter...

2008-12-16T18:44:00.003-05:00

College Application

How FREAKIN long does it take??? I mean't i sent it well over a month and a half ago and still no letter has come in the mail. Who was i kidding i knew they wouldnt except me...

Winter

This is winter i don't know what it is. Wheres the snow that sticks? Why is it raining so much? Global Warming..

Christmas

This will be one poor christmas. I mean i was the one who wanted to have a christmas this year and have a good time. I was tired of living in misery hating every holiday that i couldn't share with my brother but i know he wouldnt like me like that so i brought a tree...and lights and garland. I put the tree up and its just there undecorated and plain looking...i havent had christmas in 8 years lol i come down and walk right past the tree...I will get it up and running soon.

Poor

Being as though i was out of work due to that terrible infection i had i wont have money to buy gifts. So at the top of the month when i got my SSI i brought a book for my little sister that makes all these noises and she thinks she can read (2 yrs old). I brought a book that i hope will encourage my mom to better manage and to help her better manage her diabetes (she doesnt like to read though). Im Hoping that on Friday (Christmas its self) I will have a paycheck and i can buy my dad some comfortable slippers get my mom an MP3 Player. And whatever else i can afford everyone else see them on they birthday's cuz i aint got it.

Work

I go back to work tomorrow im kind of happy and sad. I was enjoying being Lazy but i need that paper im on a paper chase until my pockets is fuller than the federal reserves

Where Am I?

2008-11-29T21:27:00.004-05:00

Hi,

Remember Me? Where have I Been? What Is Going on With Me? You know its never a dull moment for me right. I have one moment of glory only to be buried in grief and suffering...i think thats what im here for to suffer.

I've dissapeared for quite sometime so this is why.

About three weeks ago I went to work and got off early I sent off that college essay good thing i did..because that Monday (officially two weeks ago) I ended up in the E.R....thats right.

Phenumonia

Thats what i thought i had. I woke up with severe chest pain and not being able to breathe and with me being used to acute chest's it was no biggy but a trip to the hospital for a few antibiotics and back home to heal up..well for once when it came to my health i was wrong. The doctor i will say his name becuase i think he is an idiot "matal" told me that i didn't have phenumonia therefore it was just sickle crisis..Not it wasnt i told him. Then i heard him telling some fellows to just mark it down as an asthma attack. The moron then came back and gave me a choice good for him getting his ass kicked wasnt one of them. Either i could go home or stay and manage my pain. I ignored my first choice because i knew something was wrong and i stayed. They did tests of all kinds!

Ports..

I started spiking fevers and being as though the right side of my lung was the only one hurting they did and MRI and tested the blood in my ports and guess what i had a infection in my port that caused lung problems. It formed types of sores if thats what you want to call it around my lung so when my lung expanded the sores hit my rib cage therefore that is where the pain was coming from! That doctor would of let me go home to die..i read about it and it said the only way people die from it is from the pulmonary problems being untreated i caught it in time. I was suffering in this hospital for two weeks now. Vomiting,allergic reactions to the antibiotics, hooked up to 5 different antibiotics because before they didnt know what they were treating.

Surgery

My Ports Were REMOVED! This is the second infection i have had with them and this was the worst one so i had no choice i can talk to you later about what my doctor is planning on having me do to bring my iron down being as though thats why i had the ports in the first place to have better access and to take overnight meds to bring my iron down. I Had a mini surgery yesterday to put a PICC line in...The lady told me i wouldnt feel no pain only for me to roll over and wake up to a swollen arm i showed the docs and they rushed me to ultrasound to make sure it wasnt clotting it wasnt it just has to heal up.

Home

Now that i have the PICC line they are trying to get me home to do antibiotics because the PICC line lasts for up to 6 weeks and its no point having me in a hospital when i feel great i mean ever since they started treating me with the right antibiotics i felt wonderful and i am sooo ready to go home i have cried so many times because of wanting to go home.

Thanksgiving

I hope all of you enjoyed your thanksgiving, they were kind enough to give me a go home pass for four hours to enjoy thanksgiving dinner with my family i enjoyed being out of here so much that when it was time to come back i cried and made all my other cousins upset and angry because they couldnt do anything to help me. They eventually calmed me down and i left. Standing at the hospital i remembered the words i wrote on this wall after sliding on this cords at came from tree post to tree post...it went as this.

"I CAME. I SAW. I CONQUERED". Im not letting these demons keep me down i have faith that i will get out and things will be great for me after that.

Links

Sorry i havent made it to journals just give me time. Here are a few links to check out about whats going on with me!

a little info about the bacteria

http://www.emedicine.com/med/byname/mycobacterium-fortuitum.htm

Actual photo of what my Triumph Port looks like on my right side

http://www.angiodynamics.com/pages/pdf/Triumph-1.pdf

Photo and info the infusa port on my left side.

http://www.markfuscomd.com/port.htm

Photo and info about the PICC line placed in me now.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PICC_line

Six Things About Me

2008-11-09T00:49:00.002-05:00

Tagged By Winivere

http://womanintheglassbox.blogspot.com

1.I'm not as tuff as i pretend to be my feelings are easily hurt so i mask it with evilness, and by being bitchy.

2.I love music its my escape from any emotional pain or problems going on.

3. I hate love now i believe there is no such thing anymore.

4. At times even with people i feel alone.

5. I lost my brother when i was 12 years old and he was 17 i was broken after that.

6. I like being Different it makes me stand out.

Finally My Halloween Photos

2008-11-09T00:10:00.004-05:00

Blogger is soooo difficult for no damn reason. It took me days to get photos in my blog through the upload way then it takes years to upload it to the link and i only uploaded three pics at a time. Anyway this was me and my friend sheena's night out on halloween. She was the police officer and i was the Sexy flight attendant. We had fun i have so many more photos but blogger put a nasty taste in my mouth and i dont have patience so here are the important ones.

We Were supposed to go to a club that night but we ended up having more fun on south st. We took alot of photos with random guys and girls (people we didnt know) some just jumped into photos with us those ones i didnt upload but they are good photos lol.

This is me and my mother and sheena, before we left our neighborhood to go to the club. I wasnt paying attention to busy clowning my mom with her silly glasses on.

Okay this guy used to live in my neighborhood and is now a rapper now i heard of his rap name before but never knew it was HIM! So i took a photo with him. His intention was to talk to me but when he realized who me and my friend was out of respect he didnt try and get with me we just took a photo and split..of course i wanted to talk to him He was okay...got to be a cutie. Reed Dollaz is his name.

Another photo before we left for south st. I was showing off my boots i paid 49.99 for those damn boots just for that night and trust and believe i will be wearing them again they are to fly not to. my halloween costume was 79.99 i didnt want to wait til halloween when it would be cheaper becasue i dont have time to wait in a line lol.

This guy was okay but im not calling or talking to him he was just fun for the moment. I got my Marilyn Monroe Peircing put back in after a week or so of not having it it was free cuz the hole was still open but he went through the out the way way to put it back in and it hurted like hell so its going through the healing process all over again.

Another photo before we left. She locked me up!

Having fun at home again.

Yes this is when i was preparing to leave to go to my friend house to pick her up and leave for the bus stop and go down south street and have major fun lol. And i did.

Right after i got dressed.

Wrong Start To An Early Week

2008-10-28T19:34:00.002-04:00

Essay

I Revised my Essay alot. I went and found a thersarus to use for words that i used way to many times, also added a few more sentences and changed others. And I love it and i feel more confident about it. Friday i will be getting a $40 money order to ship it back..SH*T i just remembered that i forgot to get a folder when i was at the hospital today to mail it in. Now im going to have to go to the post office.

Hospital

I had apheresis today it went okay now im getting three bags of blood instead of four and coming once a month as usual. Im starting to do my desferal medicine more often at night. Im trying to hurry and get this iron down so i can be done with the hassle of doing this every night.

Work

What can i say the customers dislike me just as much as i hate them. Hates a strong word but it describes my feelings for them ignorant weirdo's! I worked sunday for like 2 hours because i chose to go home early because my boss called me into her office lol. Apparently i got reported three times for doing my job so i told my boss i will not do my job anymore i will kiss they a$$ just as much as they do. her reply "no please do your job your a great cashier".

Why i got reported those three times?

A. I wouldn't let a woman use her husbands card (we're not allowed to) she went back to my boss and lied and said i rolled my eyes i wish i did at the uni-bomber that way it could of been true she said to me though "dont roll your eyes at a customer" and i told her "Last time i checked my mother was at the dollar store" Okay rewind that could of been avoided but i dont care..

B.I wouldn't call on the loud speaker that there was a cat under a car...I work in a shopping plaza with other stores so its a huge parking lot and thats not on my job description to page for a cat under a car. when you start your engine the cat runs. She got mad that i told her i can't. So she told.

C. After i finished ringing a customer up i asked her to take her basket to the front she gets mad.

My boss asked me to stay or i can go home so you know which one i chose on a sunday morning, home. Screw your customers thats how i feel they are ignorant, spoiled, aggravating, i can go on, oh and their kids? Worse then them, tell them what to do..that wont be mine thats for sure. So i went back on monday and my boss asked if i was okay i said "yea but i still hate your customers" she sighed and said dont be like that. Honestly in my heart 3 makes it bad for the rest of them. I don't do what i used to do which was my job. Im bored with this routine of work. Deal with the same ignorant customers who have money to waste on stuff they dont need then come back the next day begging for coupons for their purchase of that day. At kohl's its a "yes we can policy".

I honestly can say this is one of the worst jobs i ever had and im looking for a new one maybe something different i cant do retail. Im so irked with this job my lunches are extended, breaks extended, late, clock in real early, dont ask for credit cards, i just ring em up and get em out. They ask me my opinion about a shirt i tell them MY opinion- its ugly. theres nothing cute in that store anyway its the worst colors and patterns put together ever. They put they customers over employee's- bad mistake.

Im not feeling good so im not going in tomorrow im having sickle crisis in my hip and im having an allergic reaction to the exchange transfusion they can run the store without me hopefully i wont be missed cuz i will not miss them.

Proof Read My Essay Please.

2008-10-18T15:24:00.003-04:00

Hey People!
I finally finished my essay. You'd think with all that essay writing and stuff i do in my blog it would be no problem it was just mainly fear. Im so scared that this college won't like me and will not accept me. I just want yall to go over my essay for me for Harcum College before i send it off. I could have my family members do it but not many of them finished highschool, and the ones that are in college im not close with. My mother did some college but she doesnt really know what to look for in an essay that was years ago she tells me "Ask your father" yea right. Let me know if there are any errors or something wrong with it i want my essay to be good here it is...do you think i answered the three questions they wanted me to answer? Why am i applying to harcum college? Why am i applying to the Veterinarian Technician Program? How Will Harcum Help me achieve my Goal?

Despite my disability; Sickle Cell Anemia, I was raised to believe from my parents that I can achieve life's goals just like anyone else, it just might be a little tougher. That was true. Through out my school years I was attending school and home schooled while I was sick. Whenever I did return to school I would be told that I just returned and am already top of my class and a little ahead. I've been struggling with Sickle Cell but I don't let it stop me or my goals like graduating High school, and getting a job and soon to be attending College.
Currently I am a cashier at Kohl's and I am not happy with it. As a child bagging clothes and receiving money wasn't a dream career. Harcum seems to hold the key to my door of success. It's Close to home. The school also is the only College I could find with the Veterinarian Technician Program. Also a co-worker attended and gave this college a good review so it sealed the deal for me and I decided this was the college for me.
I have hobbies and interest such as Graphic Design and Animation but that craft does not exceed the skills I have when it comes to taking care of animals. Animals are my life, if they hurt I hurt. I've been called “Dr. Dolittle”, “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” and more. When I was a child my little black kitten got his paw shut in the door; he walked with a limp. My mother didn't have the means to take Midnight to the hospital so I attached two Popsicles sticks to his leg on both sides, then wrapped it with an Ace Bandage. I was told that if he wasn't walking right in four weeks or so she would give him up to the SPCA. About a month later my mom removed the Ace Bandage and home-made splint, Just my luck he was walking properly again. I don't know what Fixed midnight's leg; whether it was the Splint or not. But I do know that seeing him running around like before made me happy just knowing he wasn't in pain anymore.
By Equipping me with more wisdom on how to help or save an animal like Midnight or one in a more worse situation. I can use my Artfulness in a career field of my dreams and not only make parents of animals glad but make myself Cheerful too. That is how Harcum College can assist me in achieving my aspiration.

DND Hollow Glow Tags Ready For Pick-UP!!

2008-10-16T22:53:00.003-04:00

Hollow's Glow Tag is now ready for Pick-up.
My Site requests a Password if it does Prompt You
The Password is:
Glow

Here Is The Link
http://public.fotki.com/Cherry2sweet2eat/tainted-cherries-dzine/hollow-glow/

New Tag Up For Request

2008-10-15T12:06:00.003-04:00

I made a few new tags if you havent gotten to my tag journal yet please stop by. Note i dont email my tags out i just post a link where you can pick up your tags. If you like my tags follow my tag blog here is the link to check out the New tag up for request.

http://taintedcherriesdzine.blogspot.com/

Also i will have an update on my crazy life soon i should be posting my essay by thursday for review!

Someday...

2008-10-11T21:51:00.004-04:00

This was Someday I had. BAD..BAD..BAD.
Morning.
I woke up at 9 o clock am. Shocking i was up all night partying and drinking and partying some more. Cuervo,Hennessey,Vodka,Malibu, Smirnoff, YOU NAME IT. It was my friends birthday she wanted to celebrate it last night instead of sunday. Anyhow i woke up at 9. Thinking i had alot of time to get to work (11am) at 9:30 my brain finally tells me "hey buses are running on saturday schedules" So i dash out the house realizing that i might be late now and only to miss the bus. It was supposed to be there at 10:03 he pulls up at 10:00 remind me to report him for being early lol!

Parking Lot
So i get in my jobs parking lot at 10:53 am thank god i told myself only to have a car honking its horn through my thoughts so me..you can guess what i did right? I gave her the middle finger with out bothering to turn around. Im not a morning person so don't get on my bad side in the morning. She gets pissed, first off before i get to the arguement she was in the wrong anyway. Its a shopping plaza where i work at my job is just one out of the many stores so its alot of stop signs. She had one coming out of the bank, but she got in the lane coming in the bank so she can avoid the stop sign in the lane going out the bank! And i damn sure wasnt moving i mean its 10 on a saturday not many places are open for your square ass head to be rushing to. She said something smart then called me a B**ch...I Lost it. I told her off...while my friend bryan was on the phone. He was scolding me "your so mean stop cursing at that lady like that" he likes to think he's my father at the end of the phone call of course he laughed and told me not to curse anyone out at work....i didn't

Home
Im rushing home to change my clothes because me and my godsister shana (my deceased brothers ex girl friend) were going to a club, this club was going to have male strippers and i never been to a club like that so of course i wanted to see what it was about...im still here calling her phone she stood me up and wont answer i hate when people do that so there for im going to take my permit soon.
Im sitting here bored. I love my new bed i got its a full i can't stay out of it now to get my room painted and decorated. (i was sleeping on the couch before due to the kitten spraying on my bed)

Essay
Im making out good with it i have managed to answer two questions and got one left. I need you all to proof read it for me when i am done so look out for my entry titled "Proof Read" Im off to play in PSP. Night Ladies.

New Graphics Journal

2008-10-10T13:42:00.004-04:00

I managed to move my graphics Journal to blogspot after failing every time last night. Here is the link to my new graphics journal spot please follow to keep up with all my new offers :) The hollow glow tag will remain here and all my tags to come will be at my graphics journal from here on out! http://taintedcherriesdzine.blogspot.com/

Tag Offer- Hollow Glow

2008-10-09T22:14:00.006-04:00

First Tag Offer here. I lost all of my psp tools and plugins and stuff so im starting from the bottom from this tag i bet you can tell.Leave a comment with the name(s) wanted.

Rules!!
Two Tags Per Person
9 letters Max
No Random, words, phrases.
No Screennames
Do not ask me to change my font's Color,Style,or Size.
Do not alter my graphics in anyway. The you got it when ordered is the way it stays.
About a week or so this tag will not be up for offer.

Lesbian?

2008-10-05T02:45:00.002-04:00

Work
My job is pretty much split up into clicks...it shouldn't be like that we should all be a team. Well i greet everyone, i've stop greeting a few because they look at you like you called them something foul. Now i just pretty much keep it moving, anyway we are cool with some and not cool with others.

Friends
My friends are cool, im not the oldest cashier there but older then the teens of course. I give the adults the respect they EARN. If your nasty to me i will be the same. There is a guy i found quite interesting. He ended up owning a couple of "Brothers" Stores to being a shoe sale associate at Kohl's we sat in the break room and talked about it. He did so many things in his lifetime and i was shocked when he said he owned his own business. You never know what life has instore for you. There is this young boy i didn't like he was always nasty never wanted to pick up his calls, always in the break room...i was going to report him lol i got tired of him hanging up in my ear. I kind of miss that, he is in the ICU (bad car accident) i really wish he comes through.

Lesbian.
All the females are cool we sit up there and talk about the sexy guys that come in or hair and etc and its a one girl, not a cashier, she always seemed pretty cool. Today she didn't want me to leave her she gets on the same bus as me and i waited. She asked if i wanted to go to the bar and get some drinks i told her i would rather chill somewhere i was tired we ended up at her house. She only lives a few blocks away. We were talking about mean and she said something about "i can't picture a man touching me" and it caught me offgaurd and then she told me. I was so shocked and it had me second guessing why out of the blue she wanted to go to the bar with me. I felt kind of akward when her "boyfriend" walked in she and she made me a little nervous i didnt know what to think of her girlfriend i didn't want her to think i was imposing or anything.

I had a good time we had a few drinks at her house and talked a little while and i feel cool around her thats all that matters as long as she stay on her side of the fence i will stay on mine and we can get along just fine, thats in my family. I think i should be careful around her though i don't know i just can't be so optimistic about her nor pessimistic either but still ...i don't know. I sound so childish but i never experienced this before she got to bragging about how her $&* was better than a mans and how she can do that and it kind of pushed me away and she was so sitting sooo close. I have to get to know this woman . How should i feel around her, is my reaction normal? What can i do to be less tense around her? i dont want her thinking im scared of her.

Hope This Works

2008-10-04T15:21:00.001-04:00

Hello,
I created a new journal to see if this works or if its just blogger being a jerk and not letting anyone follow my blog i had four followers on my other blog so it just might be a glitch well comment and let me know if you were able to follow this blog if so i will get rid of the old one.